I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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