I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
