4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
