seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
