the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm at about main and main street
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
