her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
