Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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