i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
