hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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