im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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