Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
