youre lurking in front of me
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
