Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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