can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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