Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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