Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Randomize
