Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
