its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
