Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I need water and some morals
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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