dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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