Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
they need to just BURY HIM!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
