My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
