OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
