3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
