my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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