What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
