my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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