I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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