Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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