I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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