you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
