We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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