The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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