Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
