it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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