Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
