oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
