I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
