is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
