Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
