She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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