why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
