mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
