did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
