I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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