I wish I only lived at night.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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