True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
