thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Acid is not a monday night drug
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
