im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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