Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
